While I thought the new Terminator was shit there was one interesting scene where the Skynet-Google bods are announcing the dawn of a new era, and there’s a crowd of people ooing and aaing, and they really were the most gormless load of berks that Google and friends depend on to embrace their all-in-one-motherlode surveillance from pre-birth DNA to grave database. That and being extras who’d probably been on set for hours and were yet still ooing and aaing on being on a Terminator film.

The leads were too pretty. The music was that weird spreadsheet cantery strings and waaAAAA brass fanfare you get EVERYWHERE from shit ads to X Factor to quiz shows to younameitit’sthere. But the special effects were also boring. You know none of it’s real in any shape of form. There’s no mystery or means to marvel, ‘how did they do that?’ It’s all CGI which not only ruins films but has completely wiped out all the decades of craftsmanship built up. All those beautiful models, all the skills built up over generations of crafts’ people seen in Blade Runner and Star Wars, the animatronics seen in Alien and The Thing, from models to machines to puppets even in Return of the Jedi and Labyrinth, stop-motion, matte paintings, with a lot of visual sleight of hand thrown in. All gorn.

It kills the actors, too. The cast of Star Wars 1 whatever it was called were visibly zombified by wandering around in front of green screens all day (as indeed Alec Guinness complained in SW IV but at least he had something to look at and a location to hang out in like Tunisia and not some fuck off great big warehouse somewhere). Sir Ian McKellen said as much of the Hobbit, trying to get a reaction and dialogue with a load of egg things purporting to be hobbits that’ll later on be coloured in. It’s just impossible.

You simply cannot beat reality.


BRSet 1


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