Piss-fingered buffet-car business meeting

Am in buffet, on the train to Cambridge to do a Skeptics talk in North Korea, and there’s a tall, fit-framed man in a rugby-type shirt, looks a bit like Mark Webber, walking up and down the aisle on his iPhone, saying things like ‘what was the plan to give the realtor shareholders a greater part of the equity?’. All very interesting and business-y, but the bog becomes free and in he goes, still on his phone!! No mate, no, you cannot conduct business in the bog! Whoever you’re talking to will at least pick up on the door sliding shut and that you’re suddenly in a quieter, more muffled environment, before they even dare strain their ear to hear the tinny tinkle of piss!
You might drop your phone down the loo!
You’ll at least cover it with pissy fingerprints!
How could so sophisticatedly-seeming a man so swiftly go off the cliff of ick?

Otherwise, I did the talk in the Maypole pub, and they were a truly lovely audience. 

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Today’s fleeting ambition is I want to be in a viral video, maybe being caught dressed as a prole at some railway station, playing an abandoned piano beautifully. Or maybe being part of a hilarious ‘spontaneous’ flash-mob song’/dance at a station, or an airport even, with jogged footage of close ups on ‘real’ members of the public all amused by yet another covert O2 advert, members of the public who must live in some kind of weird bubble to still be surprised by such things, although if I saw the like going on at an airport I’d be surprised that the police hadn’t opened fire.

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Are urban foxes and seagulls becoming more aggressive? They do seem ever more larey. But is it because they’re eating more junk food? Are they some kind of natural litmus that shows junk food is bad for you as in makes you mad and angry?
It makes sense that people who eat too much junk food are more aggressive, if they’re eating food that’s low in essential nutrients, contains additives of any kind that have undisclosed side effects, and by way of being replete on bad food they have no hunger for good food. Are we seeing this in foxes and seagulls, because they seem a lot more aggressive than they used to be, and is it related to diet?
How would we find this out? Has junk food and the chucking away of it in the streets really exploded in recent years? Have foxes and gulls become rapidly urbanised?
It’s somewhat obvious with younger minds they’re jacked on sugar and caffeine, how many children fuel themselves for school with a can of Red Bulls and a smoke? But foxes and seagulls aren’t on smokes and cokes.
There’s a scene from Dan Dare, The Man From Nowhere, where he realises that the food fed to the passive people of Cryptos is very different to that fed to the highly aggressive Phants, who are perennially coming to attack Cryptos and enslave its people.
Old Dare, really was a pilot of the future.

Dare

PS: Just had a McDonalds. Don’t feel replete so much as soiled, jittery, and still hungry.

 

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